After the launch of the site, and the feature article with the Interview with Satan, I received a letter from God's PR firm. Apparently, the Almighty wanted equal representation, and issued a press release that he, through his firm, requested I post on the site. The problem was the thing was this interminable rant, in archaic structure and it began with a laundry list of "begats" that was, quite frankly, incomprehensible. It was also written completely in ancient Aramaic. I got back to them, and explained that the Cat's Ass Readership is not going to be able to slog through that kind of stuff, even if it was translated. After much wrangling, I managed to convince them that the best format would be an interview, in the same fashion afforded to the Prince of Darkness. Here is the transcript of the interview. He assumed the form of a burning bush, which burned, but was not consumed. This manifestation was displayed on a television screen. It looked supiciously like the "Holiday Yule Log" reel they show on UHF channels during Christmas.

JOSH DOBBIN: Well, God. How are you?

GOD: OMNIPOTENT, THANK YOU.

JD: Wow, I've got so many questions I'd like to ask you, but I suppose I'll let you make a sort of opening statement. The reason you wanted this interview was that you felt the piece I did with Lucifer was not indicative of your side of the issue.

G: I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA. THERE IS NO OTHER SIDE OF AN ISSUE THAN MY SIDE. I AM THAT I AM. THAT SAID, I FOUND LUCIFER'S COMMENTS DISTASTEFUL. HE CALLED ME A CONROL FREAK. WOULD A CONTROL FREAK IMBUE HIS CREATIONS WITH FREE WILL?

JD: Well, that "free will" seems to be a sort of double bind, isn't it? A trap, I mean. If we are to believe your representatives, you gave us free will to be able to reject you, so the embracing of you would have meaning, but doesn't the rejection carry a stiff penalty?

G: THAT DEPENDS ON YOUR DEFINITION OF THE TERM.

JD: Well, isn't eternal torment a stiff penalty?

G: OK. I GUESS YOU GOT ME THERE. BUT HEY, I'M GOD. I MAKE THE RULES.

JD: Well, before we go off onto a whole tangent on the nature of the free will, the universe, and man's place in it, let me ask you a few questions that have been plaguing theologians and logicians for years.

G: SHOOT.

JD: Can God create an object so massive that even He cannot move it?

G: ALREADY DONE. I CALLED MY CREATION HARRY KNOWLES.

JD: Fair enough. Next, how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

G: SEVENTY THREE. A FEW MORE IF YOU PILE ON SOME CHERUBS. THEY'RE LITTLE. AND WHILE WE'RE ON THIS SUBJECT, I WANT TO CLEAR UP A GRAVE MISUNDERSTANDING AND LIE THAT HAS FESTERED AMONG MY FLOCK. A CERTAIN COMMERCIAL DURING THE YEARS OF OUR LORD-ER, ME, THAT IS, CALLED THE 70s HATH DELIVERED UNTO THE PEOPLE A FALSEHOOD.VERILY, IT TAKES MANY MORE LICKS THAN THREE TO GET TO THE TOOTSIE ROLL CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP. THAT OWL WAS FRIGGIN' CRAZY.

JD: Do you know, offhand, how many?

G: I AM THE LORD THY GOD, CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. I MADE HOLY THE SABBATH, AND SPOKE THE WORD FROM WHICH ISSUED ALL CREATION. OF COURSE I KNOW.

(uncomfortable silence.)

JD: Um…how..how many would that be?

G: THIS IS WISDOM, FOR THAT NUMBER IS ONE OF HUMAN RECKONING, AND IT IS TWELVE SCORE AND SIXTY FIVE.

JD: Is there some sort of higher, quabahllistic meaning to that number?

G: NO, NOT REALLY.

JD: I'm sure you get this a lot, but I'd be remiss in my duties if I didn't ask.. what's the meaning of life?

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